Hello, Long Lost Sister!
Monday, July 18, 2011 at 6:00AM I have a new sister. I met her for the first time in Canada two weeks ago. This is a difficult story to tell, because it’s not really my story, but if I keep it to my part, it’s pretty simple.
I first learned of my half sister when I was twelve. I was surprised to learn of this news but I didn’t quite know what to do about it. There wasn’t really anything to do then. I was too young. I didn't know. My Dad had a girlfriend when he was 18. She got pregnant, kept the baby and they did not get married. The baby's name was Tracy.
My sister Jill, who I grew up with, is on the left. I am on the right and my new sister Tracy is in the middle. This photo was taken just a few hours after meeting for the first time.
When I was about twenty I asked for her address but I never wrote her a letter. I still have the sticky note that I wrote the address on though. For all these years it was my only link to her, my only clue about how to find her later, after she had surely moved.
Last year I asked about her again. It's one of those things that sits in your brain unresolved. I would think about her sometimes and wonder about her. I knew that I wanted to connect with her, but I didn't know how. When I asked this time, my Dad told me that her Mom was on Facebook. I decided to look her up, but before I could, my aunt did. My aunt knew her when she was a baby, had held her, and always wondered about her too.
On January 1st I read an email that she had sent to my aunt, that my aunt had forwarded to my Dad and that my Dad had forwarded to me. There she was. There was her email address. I finally introduced myself to my sister. Her name is Tracy. She is married with two kids, like me. She didn't know very much about my sister Jill and I until she heard from my aunt.
It was a flood in that first month, many conversations and questions. Tentative explorations of the past, trying to be sensitive and sincere. Always asking, is everyone ok? How are you feeling about this? Is this ok? It's hard, to dig up the past and revisit things. It doesn't change anything though, we are just who we are today, and we can't dwell on the past or wish things were different. We are who we are because of everything that has happened.
In the last six months Jill, Tracy and I have been getting to know each other with long, wordy emails. We’ve shared silly Q&A’s and we’ve talked about our lives. She is funny. She is smart. The three of us are all very different, but we get along. I'm the middle child now. Tracy and I can rattle off a handful of emails in a day, since we are home with the kids, Jill can't keep up but she reads every single one.
We planned three different days together for my visit to Canada. The first one was at my parent's house and Tracy came alone. When I met her I was nervous. I waited and watched for her to arrive. I saw her drive up to the house and I met her out front with Chris and the kids. We hugged. We looked at each other for the first time. We cried a little. She came inside and met Jill and my Mom and Dad. We sat at the kitchen table and just talked. We kept it light, chatty and easy. It's a strange feeling when you are living a moment you have imagined for years and years. We had a nice day, more family came over, Tracy stayed as long as she could. We sat next to each other and we secretly stared at each other.
She came up to Calgary to see us two more times, once with her husband and kids and once with just her daughter. She met all our family in Calgary and we had such a nice time just being together. Her kids are really sweet and adorable. It’s easy to be with her. One afternoon it was just Jill, Tracy and I and we just enjoyed talking and hanging out. The boys played great with their new cousins.
These four people are now at the end of a loose string that has been in my brain for over 20 years. It feels good to fill in the holes and find things that I thought might be lost. Families are made in all kinds of ways, we can feel affection towards our friends, and family are not always close but there is something to the DNA connection. It's an unseen, mysterious thing that can mean a lot or nothing at all. I'm glad that after all these years it finally means something to me and I look forward to getting to know these people more like family.
Reader Comments (15)
Wow, how awesome and amazing for all of you!!! Is this the first time your dad has met her as well? I can see the resemblance in all three of you... So glad you got to meet and start building a relationship... Such an awesome story!!! Oh and how is your mom? Hope she is feeling better....
Leslie,
I so love reading your pieces! They are always moving and so well written. I feel like to get to know you a little bit better every entry I read. I'm really happy for you and your family for getting to meet Tracy. What a beautiful opportunity to add more love to your lives!
Tracey: My Dad had met her when she was a baby but not since then. My Mom is hanging in there. They think it is colon cancer and are doing more tests to determine treatment. She's in the hospital again today. Thanks for asking. I'm sure I'll post more once we know better what will be happening.
Cecelia: You are so sweet, thanks so much.
DearLeslie, I have always followed your writings. Sometimes I find less interest in what the kids are doing daily, but always am impressed with your diary. ONe day it will make a great memoir.
However, this tale is wonderful and shows your character. YOu are amazing. IT was wonderful reading the way
it all came together. I know with your inspiration you will become closer and closer and melled into one FAMILY.THe photos are a lovely keepsake and so interesting. Thank you for sharing this part of your life.
Fondly, Florence and Karl
This is a wonderful post. I am so so happy for her and your family.
I am happy for you on a personal level and I know the emotions that you are going through.
I met my half brother when i was 16.
At that age my emotions were more raw and full of angst, but I met him. He became part of our lives. Kind of like your sister is now. As a welcome addition, but still with his own family.
There are no words to describe the hole it filled for my mother. I can not imagine how your father feels.
Enjoy her.
Enjoy your new family.
Yeah for sisters! So glad you finally connected. I know how much this past trip meant to you on a personal level.
Thanks for sharing your story! xoxo
Wow, is all that I can say! What a great story girl! Thank you for taking the time to share that!
Such great comments! Florence and Karl: I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this. You are so kind.
Leighann: Thank you. It's hard to put this stuff into words, isn't it? So much of it is so deeply felt that words often aren't enough. I'm so glad that you were able to connect with your sibling too. I think people can be scared to go down this path, for fear of what might go wrong, but I think most often, so much can go RIGHT.
Thanks Jill V. You know sisters!
Serena! Thanks for commenting, you are the best.
xo
Ya, DNA blows my mind. Best to the family. x
You have made me think.... thank you for sharing!
So happy for your reunion!
Thanks Arran, the best to your family too. xo
Sara, you're welcome! And thank you for sharing this link on twitter.
SO great that you all reconnected... How special for your Dad... By the looks of the pictures your mom looks very strong so whatever it is she will beat it... Praying for her and your family...
Hi Leslie,
It was so nice to see pics of you and your family in the sandhills. I had thought that your mom was behind the camera, but your father filled me in on the bad news. Mine and Fionas thoughts and love are with your mom all the time. I so hope that everything turns out well. The story of your third sister is a shock and amazing at the same time. She is definately your fathers daughter! That one picture of them at the table leaves absolutely no doubt!
Hope all is well with the rest of your family. It was great to see pictures of Jill. I haven't seen her since our wedding
All our love,
Roger and Fiona
I love this whole story !! Families are what life is all about.
Tracey - Thanks for the comment! Sorry I didn't see it right away.
Roger - I heard that you had talked to my Dad about those Sandhills pictures and wondered about where my Mom was. You are very perceptive! Meeting Tracy and having her in our lives has been a wonderful gift.
Thanks Diane! I totally agree!